image credit: OakleyOriginals

Afraid of Fear

Fear has a way of crippling and keeping us right we where we are with just a whisper.

“Easy now, you’ve gone far enough.”

“Watch out.”

“Don’t risk it.”

“Be careful.”

“Stay where you are.”

“What if [ fill in the blank ]?”

“Play it safe.”

Playing it safe rarely is.

President Kennedy warned us to fear nothing but “fear itself” because it has the potential to render us less effective than we were before it arrived. So where does that leave us?

Know Thy Fear

Understanding our fear can be like flipping on a light-switch, resulting in an “ah ha” moment of enlightenment that reveals the lack of substance behind the scare.

Perhaps that’s what Marie Curie intended when she said, “Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” But sometimes knowledge just isn’t enough.

Understanding Fear is Not the Same as Facing It

There are plenty of socially anxious people who understand their phobia all too well but are unable face it or change. Curie’s axiom is incomplete. Instead, it should be, “Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood, faced, and conquered.”

Too often there’s a Gap between the knowing and the doing.

If your house was on fire, you wouldn’t care so much about the firemen’s understanding of their fear as you would their response to it. Similarly, knowing what you’re afraid of is fine, but doing something anyway is always better. Instead of sitting on that information and hoping your fear will just head the other direction, you must face it–head on.

Face Thy Fear

image credit: superwebdeveloper

Risk, the calculated kind anyway, is good. It means we’re alive and betting on opportunity.  It implies that we’re not through with life. Our life, that is. And come hell or high water, we are going forward to make something better of what’s before us.

Fear can’t reside in a mindset like this. For it to survive, it requires something to feed upon–our doubt, hesitation, and misused imagination. Most of all, it counts on our passivity.

Turning the light on and seeing things for what they are will certainly help us square off with this challenger but the most important element is action. That’s the real thing that propels us past our fear.

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” ~ Brendan Francis

Most people avoid fear rather than face it, as if it were an unsolicited sales interruption who will just give up after a few knocks at the door and move along to some other sucker. Fear doesn’t play that game. He’s a tenacious opponent. In fact, if you don’t open the door, he’ll just camp out on your front lawn and wait. Sooner or later he’ll get his moment to peddle his wares.

Get on with it.
Turn on the light.
Open the door.
Hold your head up and step forward.

Tame Thy Fear

Like a barking dog, fear can keep us up at night, that is until we tame it. Fear is the barking dog behind the fence. It sounds ferocious but it isn’t. In reality, it’s making all that noise because it’s nervous. But when you understand the creature, you can face it and tame it. Be the “fear whisper.”

image credit: ell brown

Lately I’ve been frustrated a lot by frustration.
I blame it on the Gap.

And I don’t mean that place in the mall. I’m talking about that desolate region between knowing and doing. My walk and my talk just aren’t in sync lately. Sure, I’ve consumed enough ideas to know what needs to be done. I’m just not doing enough of it. Like a banker that doesn’t balance their checkbook, to know and not do is worse than ignorance. Hence the frustration.

Haunted by the Gap

It all started after I posted an article about 20 choices of a champion. A phrase I had heard many years ago just wouldn’t leave my head. “Mind the Gap.”  I heard it again and again. “Mind the Gap.” What triggered this endless loop I really wasn’t sure. I just knew it as the term from the London Underground warning passengers to watch for the space between the station platform and the train door. Until it hit me.

WANTED: Cool & Epic Outcomes

Between the mundane and the magnificent lies the Gap.
It’s the chasm that separates the common from the Cool, and everyday occurrence from Epic Outcome. It also keeps you and I from reaching our potential, or in Army-speak, being all we can be.

Although gaps will always exist because we’re human, the space I’m referring to is a lot like a rut which has been described as a shallow grave with the ends kicked out. Something to avoid at all costs. Or if you’re already in it, to get out immediately. But how?

STEP ONE

It’s starts by recognizing the Gap.
Some of the more common ones are distances between:

• What we know versus what we do
• The time we invest versus the time required
• Starting something versus finishing it
• Our wants versus our needs
• Perception versus reality
• What we communicate versus what’s understood
• Being active versus being effective
• Being committed versus being involved

STEP TWO

Gut-check decision time. Are you getting on the train or not? There’s no room for sorta travelers here.

REMEMBER: There’s a huge gap between 100% commitment and 99%-involvement.

STEP THREE

The third step is hardest of all. ACTION. Drop anything that’s hindering you from making it happen. It’s time to lighten the load before taking that step. So simplify. Let go of the unimportant and the mediocre. Declutter anything that’s derailing you and move.

If we’re committed to “one hundred percent braggable” results as Tom Peter suggests, we’ll leap right over the Gap. At the very least, we’ll give it our best shot and come closer to our potential with each leap of faith we take.

REALIZE: Gaps are actually opportunities for Cool & Epic Outcomes!

image by mmabuzz

Anyone can stand strong when the game of life is going their way. But who are we when the pain comes? It’s what we do when we’re down that counts most. That’s the critical, defining moment. So when it isn’t going as planned and we’re knocked repeatedly on our butt what do we do?

Here are some tactics from the world of fighting to us prepare and handle those situations like a champion:

CHAMPION TACTICS

1. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare.
   It (the unexpected) will happen.

   Count on it. Then plan for it.

   Have you thought about what you’d do if you lost your job or if your business went belly-up?

   What would you do if your book or movie was a flop?

   What if you don’t make the first round pick?

   Sure it’s impossible to plan for every possible situation, but we can certainly prepare better. Champions continually seek to improve their conditioning so they’re ready if (and when) they’re knocked down and pinned.

   Although most of what we worry about never happens, planning prepares us.

2. Have someone in your corner.
   This is huge. We all need a support system.

   Forget Hollywood’s portrayal of the champion that did it entirely on their own. That just doesn’t happen.

   When preparing for battle (and life can certainly be that, among other things),  we need someone to wrap our hands for the fight. When we falter and our confidence is shaken, we need sound advice and encouragement.

   We need someone to echo the champion’s voice when we can’t hear our own. And when you’re hurt, you want a good “stitch man” who won’t panic but instead will ice your wounds and stop the bleeding.

3. Remain calm.
   Focus on breathing deeply. Remain calm and in the moment. Look for the opening. Look for the opportunity. There’s always an opportunity if you’re ready for it. You just have to remain calm and watch for it.
4. Redefine yourself – Continually.
   In the world of Mixed Martial Arts, fighters have to do it all the time.  A formidable striker becomes a great grappler. Some fighters do it out of necessity, some for the love of the sport. The true champion does it for both.
5. Remain teachable.
   This quality goes hand in hand with redefining yourself. Champions remain students. They understand, as George Leonard expressed in his must-read book Mastery, that “the road to mastery never ends.”
6. Focus on the immediate.
   Focus on what you can do – right now. Be in the moment – in the NOW. Champions understand that you can’t change yesterday or even 10 seconds ago. You must let that go. So stop wasting time and energy on the past and focus on the immediate. That’s what you and I have. Right now. You want to make a difference? You want to make a comeback, it starts right now. This very second.
7. Recognize the resistance.
   Learn to recognize the “resistance” within – what I call the chump. The small voice inside that insists upon safety and so-called security rather than bold, belief, and action.
8. Push through the fear.
   Learn to face your fears and push through them. Most of them are completely unfounded and based on nothing more than worry. Sure you’re scared. That’s okay. Remember that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to face it and take action anyway.
9. Stick to your plan.
   If you did your homework, stick to your plan. As I said in a previous post, on your back isn’t the time for that crazy ninja maneuver you heard about but never practiced. Remain with the basics because they tend to have the highest returns.
10. Bring the Passion!
    Love it or get out. It’s that simple. Sure it’s work. Damn hard work in fact. But if you don’t love it (plateau, pain and all), why are you doing it?

We all have ‘em and we’ve all made ‘em.

They’re the easiest thing in the world to create because they appear to be free, but they end up costing us in the long run. At best they cause us to miss opportunities. At worst, they cost us self-respect and trust from others. They’re excuses, and excuses suck.

Put simply, excuses are self-justification. They place the blame and responsibility anywhere but ourselves. Need an example? How about my latest- “well, I couldn’t quite make it on time, because…” Really? C’mon Shawn! How about the other guys that showed up early?

Every day, at every turn, we face the choice of taking responsibility or making an excuse. We face it in the biggest decisions and the smallest opportunities.

photo by Hazel Caballero

When setting goals and taking action our excuses must be ruthlessly terminated. We simply cannot allow the compromise of an excuse to wedge itself into our lives. Refuse it. Choose a higher response.

Let me be clear, I’m not talking about perfection. I’m talking about intentionality, about looking for the first sign of compromise and refusing to go the “easy way.” If you haven’t already done so, start recognizing excuses for what they are — a seemingly easy way out with a very high price tag.

My dad was a no-excuse kinda’ guy. If he said he was going to do something, he did it. Period. There wasn’t a big production about the process, he just took action, over, and over. In fact, I can’t remember a day of his life that he called into work sick, unless you count the last days of his life when he was physically forced to slow down. I don’t. Excuses just weren’t part of his DNA.

Find a role model or mentor.
There are plenty of people in all areas of life that could have given a much better excuse than the one you or I have — “my feet hurt” from a guy who doesn’t have the privilege to walk. “I’m tired” from a single-mom without a home and bed of her own working two jobs to provide a better life for her family. In that context, my reasons for not doing something are apparent. They’re excuses, and they suck.

What about you?

Those that excel understand it takes action without an audience. They hone their craft without fanfare. They show up early, leave late, and turn off the lights without applause. These solo actions define who’s really willing to put in the effort necessary to go from middle-class to world-class achievement. I wonder how many free-throws Michael Jordan tossed in solitude over the course of his career?

“The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking.” ~ U.S. Soccer Champion Mia Hamm

True world-class champions don’t train for a few weeks like Rocky. They understand real progress comes in small steady increments, not single heroic triumphs. The great American author Louis L’Amour said it this way, “Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more”. Our actions must be consistent and deliberate regardless of magnitude.

Its a funny thing, genius, genetics, and luck tend to show up when we consistently bring the effort. So write when no one is reading. Sing when no one is listening. Cold-call when no one is buying.

Tell us about the actions you’re consistently taking or will now be taking without waiting for an audience.

Using a spoon is frustrating.
We’ve been told “Know your weaknesses and work on them.” It certainly makes sense to recognize and eradicate them where possible, but like anyone who has tried to row a boat with a spoon can tell you, it’s a lot of hard work! Inadequacies have a way of zapping the passion from us while rendering our efforts all but futile. We put so much in yet get so little out.

Champions focus on what they CAN, not what they CAN NOT.
They spend less time breaking their backs mastering weaknesses and dedicate more of themselves to their strengths. Weakness are not ignored. No, they are ruthlessly worked on for improvement but not at the expense of strengths. Focusing on our weaknesses can be daunting because we invest so much effort yet progress so little. It’s the inverse of the 80/20 rule. It expends 80% of our capacity just to return a mere 20% results. Even more important than tempering our weak areas is building upon our strengths, for therein lies the real leverage for accomplishment. This is where we see exponential growth. But to do that we must know ourselves well.

English Writer Jonathan Swift likened the search for strength to mining for treasure when he remarked that “men are accused of not knowing their own weakness, yet perhaps few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not of.”

In every single one of us there’s hidden treasure and ores of strength. The point is to discover them. We must dig into the mine of our abilities to unearth our strengths – those veins of gold – and look for ways to extract and use them to our advantage. Zig Ziglar reminds us that we already have all the characteristics necessary for success, if we recognize, claim, develop and use them. Easier said than done? Keep in mind that no success comes without effort, but champions become what they are by exerting their efforts in the right places –  their strengths.  Mine it and you’ll find it. Here’s how:

KNOW THE MINE.
Take careful note of what you enjoy and the areas where you excel. This is where you’ll discover gold. What classes did you get the most A’s? What games and activities do you find most fun and fulfilling? That addictive exhilaration that we get from winning a game, solving a problem, or finishing an artistic endeavor is the combination of a strength fueled by passion. When you find that mine by all means stake your claim and explore it.

QUARRY.
Try new things, explore new possibilities. No explorer has discovered new territory by staying put in the homeland. No athlete gets better in the game by practicing within their comfort zone. Get out there, embrace change, and you might just surprise yourself in what you find. You may discover hidden gems of talent, new realms of passion, or forgotten areas of interest. Embrace the adventure!

POLISH THE GEMS.
Dusty, uncut, and unpolished ore are but gems of strengths intermingled with weaknesses. They are treasures that too often go undervalued. It’s up to you to do the work, to polish and bring out the best from what you’ve discovered. Look for ways to continuously improve your craft. In doing so, your strengths will outshine your weaknesses.

COMPLEMENT.
Set your gems in the right metals, accentuate their highlights. It’s true that inspecting our capabilities opens our eyes both to our weaknesses and strengths and allows us to find ways to overcome weaknesses by maximizing the value our of strengths. What’s important afterward is that you put your strengths on display. Share them with the world. Only then will their true value be realized.

“A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.”   ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

What golden strengths should you be sharing with the world?
What’s holding you back?
What strengths have you discovered recently?
What gems of talent are you polishing to perfection?
[explore more championship traits here]

Image Credit: timailius

Overcoming inertia should be easy but it isn’t. Why do we end up dreaming without doing? Is it fear that stops us? At this point I don’t really care if its fear of failure or fear of success itself. I’d rather kick whatever it is in the ass and move forward.

“Just Do It”, Nike tells. But doing isn’t enough. We mustn’t confuse busyness with taking the next major action that propels us toward our intended result. Case in point, the task of writing this first blog entry could have easily  drifted toward a task of lower return like searching for just the right design colors and layout. Instead I had to resist that urge and take the more difficult path of doing what mattered most- wrestling those original ideas into these words. I’m willing to wager that you wouldn’t be here if this site had a great color scheme but absolutely no content.

Remember, good is the enemy of the best. We must do something significant with forward momentum. Write that first sentence and give inertia the boot.